274. The Power of Emotional Awareness in Leadership with Randy Lyman

What does success really mean when you've checked all the boxes but still feel empty inside? Randy Lyman's journey from physicist and multi-millionaire entrepreneur to emotional intelligence advocate challenges everything we think we know about leadership. Despite achieving multiple patents, thriving businesses, and academic accolades, Randy opens up about the profound emptiness he felt—until he discovered what he calls “the third element,” the missing link between intellect, effort, and emotional awareness. This insight transformed his personal fulfillment and completely redefined how he leads.

In our conversation, Randy shares how unprocessed emotions silently shape team dynamics and decision-making. Leaders who suppress their feelings, he explains, often create environments where their teams instinctively protect themselves rather than collaborate openly. “The moment I walk into that room,” Randy says, “people feel what I’m feeling.” His leadership shifted when he began prioritizing emotional transparency, embracing practices like journaling and carving out generous time for genuine, emotionally honest conversations with his team.

Most powerfully, Randy highlights three human needs that go beyond a paycheck: to be seen as a unique individual, to contribute meaningfully, and to belong. When leaders meet these needs with emotional intelligence, people show up fully—engaged, committed, and authentic. Re

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Chapters

• 0:00 Introducing Randy Lyman and the Third Element
• 2:07 Success Without Fulfillment Isn't Success
• 6:12 Understanding Emotions as Information
• 10:40 [Ad] A Case Study In Corporate Fear
• 11:20 (Cont.) Understanding Emotions as Information
• 11:35 Processing Past Emotions for Present Success
• 20:11 Leadership Through Emotional Intelligence
• 28:27 [Ad] The Ryan Pyle Podcast
• 29:13 (Cont.) Leadership Through Emotional Intelligence
• 29:32 Creating Space for Authentic Connection
• 39:32 Closing Thoughts and Resources

Transcript

Mick Spiers: 0:01

Have you ever achieved everything you thought you wanted, only to feel like something was still missing? What if success isn't just about what you achieve, but how deeply you feel it? And what if the most overlooked element in unlocking your full potential isn't about doing more but becoming more? Today's guest is going to challenge the way you think about success, leadership and what it really means to live a fulfilling life. I'm joined by Randy Lyman, physicist, inventor, entrepreneur and author of the Third Element. On the surface, randy had it all multiple patents, multi-million dollar businesses and academic brilliance but beneath that surface was a profound emptiness, until one moment changed everything. Randy's journey led him to discover what he calls the third element, a missing link that connects intellect and effort with emotional and spiritual intelligence, and it changed the way he led, lived and loved.

Mick Spiers: 1:08

If you're a leader who has ever felt burnt out, disconnected or feels like you're ticking all the boxes but missing the spark, this conversation is for you. Let's dive in. Hey, everyone, and welcome back to the Leadership Project. I'm greatly honored today to be joined by Randy Lyman. Randy is a physicist and a multiple times successful entrepreneur. He's also the author of a book called the Third Element, what he calls the missing link towards how you can unlock your full potential, and that's what we're going to discover today. We're going to talk about this third element, going to think about it in your own life, but then also think about what it could mean for you as a leader. So, randy, without any further ado, I'd love to know a little bit more about that interesting background of yours and what led you to discover this thing you now call the third element.

Randy Lyman: 2:07

Well, that's a great question, Mick. I used to be well I am still a physicist, an engineer with multiple patents and a business person, and up until about 35 years ago, at the age of 28, I was all about being educated and hard work, but I was turning off my emotions. I was financially successful In many ways I was very successful, but I wasn't fulfilled and I wasn't happy. And then I met a woman, maria, who I spent three years with, who introduced me to the unseen, spiritual side of life, the emotional, spiritual side of the game of life, of being human, and it opened my eyes to a whole different approach and brought me so much more success and happiness and fulfillment that there's just no way I could go back to only looking at the world from a place of intellect.

Mick Spiers: 2:59

You really could. Randy, this is a story that we hear a lot. We see people that I'm going to call it on the surface or the label of the jar looks like someone that is wildly successful. By any societal definition of success, they'd go, wow, this person's really got it together. Multiple eight figure businesses, in your case, successful entrepreneurs, successful sportspersons, successful anything that society looks at but on the inside they're not really fulfilled. So the question is are they really successful? If they're successful on the outside but they don't feel it on the inside, is that really success? What's your definition of success?

Randy Lyman: 3:45

Well, success can be a lot of different things, but for me, a human being, a spiritual being on a human path, being here playing the game of life here on earth, I want happiness, I want peace, I want fulfillment, I want to feel the good things are to feel in life and if I am accomplishing things with regards to economic achievement, economic, financial achievement, intellectual achievement, those are all wonderful things. I'm not saying they're bad, they're just not feelings they're not going to. Making money, and spending money and getting recognition isn't necessarily going to change the way I feel about my human experience. And I want to feel joy, happiness, love. I want to feel connected to the people, even the people I work with. I want to feel connected to them at a deeper level. So then, when we have a success and we share that success, it's really as deep as it can be, not just something on the surface, not just something we celebrate for a moment and passes, but something that enhances our lives.

Mick Spiers: 4:49

You're really interesting, Randy. So the word feeling and the word depth are the two words that are coming out here.

Mick Spiers: 4:57

And I'm going to say that there's going to be people listening to the show that are going to resonate with this. Where you have something that looks on the outside, that a success. You might've won a great deal that the company's been following for a while, but did it feel something? Did you feel something, and did the others around you feel something? And what really jumped into my head when I was listening to your talk was the famous quote by Maya Angelou, but I'm going to purposely bastardize it here. So she talks about people may forget what you did, they may forget what you said, but they'll never forget how they made you feel, for what I'm hearing for you, though, is look in the mirror. You might forget what you did, you might forget what you said, but how do you feel about what you achieved? How does that sit with you?

Randy Lyman: 5:46

Well, at first, when I first started on this path, like I said 35 years ago, it was scary to look at my feelings, to think about my feelings, because I had frustration, I had disappointment, I had anger and I thought I could just turn off those feelings and have a happy life.

Randy Lyman: 6:03

Well, if I turn off some of the feelings, that means I'm turning off all of my feelings, not just the painful ones, but the good ones as well. So it took me a while to become comfortable with that. It took me a while to work through the process and be bold enough to open up Pandora's box and deal with all of my emotional challenges, because the mind says I don't want to feel this, I don't need to feel this, I want to stay in control and emotions are scary and I'm not going to go there. And society teaches us not to deal with our emotions. But for me, that's where not only the fulfillment came from, but ultimately, the great success I experienced in my businesses was due to my own emotional healing and my own approach to the people I worked with.

Mick Spiers: 6:52

From a more personal perspective, yeah, really good, Randy, so I'm going to launch into that now as a segue to get there. So, to just put a pin in the hole point about happiness. Happiness isn't about material pursuits. It's not about that paycheck that you're getting. It's not about the business success. It's not about the house that you've managed to get. There's always a bigger house. There's always a bigger car. There's always I know you're into motorcycles there's always a nicer and shinier motorcycle. It's about how you feel about those things, not actually about the material possession. Now, the key that you've now started to unlock here, though, is emotion, and we are you said this particularly men. It is more prevalent in men. We are taught to bottle up our emotion, that emotions are somehow weak. Tell me about your discovery of emotion and when you started to process it yourself.

Randy Lyman: 7:52

That's a good and complex question. So first I'll say, before I addressed my emotions my emotions that I was trying to deny those found their way. They kind of seeped into my thinking. They seeped into my action, my decision-making, my interaction. So once I became aware of them, I was able to separate them out, not to shut them off, but to become aware of them. So when they started to influence my thoughts and my actions, I was aware of that and then also so I could start the healing process of addressing them and feeling them completely.

Randy Lyman: 8:24

And as men, our primary position is to provide and to protect, and we're taught that if we show weakness, that we're not going to be respected. If we show weakness, we're going to be vulnerable. And with the wrong people, yeah, that's true. But with reasonable people, if I can show up calm and clear, I can be vulnerable. I can make mistakes, I can admit to my mistakes. I can, in the way I serve the group and the way I help the group of people I'm leading, find their own power and own success.

Randy Lyman: 9:12

My title doesn't come from being perfect. Excuse me, my power does not come from being perfect. My power does not come from my title. My power comes from showing up as a human being who acknowledges the beauty and the strength in other human beings and connecting on a deeper level. And that sounds like wait a minute, that's not business. That's not going to lead to accomplishing the goal. What it does lead to is coherence within the group, cooperation within the group, people showing up 100% authentic with their best selves, and then that leads to success for the group and for the business. And it's an investment in time, but the payoff is so huge. Once everybody is on board with the message and the group really trusts each other and we show up more authentic, then the results are amazing.

Mick Spiers: 10:02

Yeah, really good, randy. I'll just say that in the famous words of Simon Sinek, that all businesses are people businesses and if you don't understand people, you don't understand business is the full quote. But that's true. We co-create these businesses together. It's our ability to connect with other human beings and rally together towards some kind of common purpose that makes the business successful. And what I'm taking away from what you're sharing is, if we're shutting down emotionally, if we don't understand our own emotions, how can we possibly connect with other people's emotions?

Randy Lyman: 11:10

So if I walk into a room and whether it's a room of people on the shipping floor in my warehouse or whether it's a boardroom and I walk into a room and whether it's a room of people on the shipping floor in my warehouse or whether it's a boardroom and I walk in with doubts that make me uncomfortable, I can have doubts, but if I'm having emotions around my doubts, if I'm having fear, if I'm having worry, the moment I walk into that room people feel what I'm feeling. It's an instinctual part of who we are. We feel each other, we hear each other, we interact physically through our gestures and such and our voice. But when people feel that I'm worried, then they close up, they shut down, they protect themselves.

Randy Lyman: 11:47

How can I lead a group of people to be their best if they're shut down and protecting themselves? And so I have to get past my own emotions and worries and fears and work through my own issues. I do that outside of business, I do that in my own time and space and I find a place of more clarity, less emotional baggage. Then when I show up, people aren't fearing me from that instinctual level because they're feeling my fear. I show up calm and confident and then they let their guard down and we have a completely different interaction.

Mick Spiers: 12:19

Yeah, there's an interesting element here around mirroring and if you think about this, if you're listening to this show right now, whether you're commuting to work or whatever it is that you're doing, I know that if you process this, you will know exactly what Randy's talking about. This mirroring of what we project on the world. We often get reflected back to us. So if we posture with anger, we get anger back. If we posture defensively, we get other people defensively back. If we posture with openness, we get openness back. So part of it is making sure that we understand our own emotion and what we're projecting on the world before we can start connecting with the other human beings, because you're going to get back what you put out. Is that what I'm hearing, randy?

Randy Lyman: 13:03

Yes, because God in the universe only has two rules for us there's no expectation, there's no judgment. So when we respond from a place of love and caring, we're going to find a lasting answer. If we respond from a place of fear, we're not going to find a lasting answer. That's the first rule. So love and good is absolutely the best long-term answer. And then the second rule in the universe is and I cover this in my book the Third Element is we interact with the law of attraction and co-create every bit of our reality based on our one of three categories or elements our thoughts, our actions, our body and the physical world. Actions and our emotions. So when we think good thoughts or bad thoughts, that's reflected back to us. Take good actions or bad action or no action or procrastinate or whatever that might be, is reflected back to us. And then our emotions are a little more complex, because our emotions are bigger than time and space. We have the emotions we feel in the moment, which are valid, is telling us go towards something or go away from something. Our emotions are based on the story our mind makes up about the current situation. But once that situation has passed, that emotional guidance, so to speak is no longer valid. But if we didn't feel that emotional energy completely in the moment, the remainder of that energy is stored within our physical being, in our body, in our energy field, and it's bigger than time and space. So if I have a feeling, whether I'm eight years old or I'm 28 or whatever that might be, that I don't feel completely, it is stored like gasoline, like petroleum petrol, in a metal can and I can burn it 20 years later and it still has the same energy. But I can't burn gasoline twice and I don't need to burn emotions twice. But any old emotional wounds or pain or even good emotions I had that I didn't feel completely, those are stored in my energy field and they interact with the law of attraction.

Randy Lyman: 14:57

And here's the, here's the fun part, once you understand all the irritations that we encounter in our life are gifts and yes, I use the word gifts. So if somebody cuts me off in traffic or somebody lies or cheats or steals from me, yeah, I don't want that to happen and I want to set up boundaries and take action. So I'm not a victim. But those are an indicator of an old emotion that I have an opportunity to feel. I have an opportunity to feel completely healed and released.

Randy Lyman: 15:24

Whether I do it through yoga or meditation or punching a punching bag or journaling or gratitude, release that energy and now the law of attraction says oh, you received the gift, you let that energy go and now I no longer need to bring you any irritations to remind you of that opportunity to heal. And that's what my book is really about. Now, on the leadership side, when we have our own baggage, we're going to attract to us situations. Through our relational interactions with employees, with managers, with board members, with vendors, with customers. We're going to attract situations that irritate us and remind us of that opportunity to heal. So the more we get through our personal healing away from work, the more clear we can show up to work and we don't have the need for those frustrations at work.

Mick Spiers: 16:20

Yeah, really interesting, randy. I'm going to share multiple things I'm taking away from this. So, first of all, the three elements our thoughts, our actions, our feelings. The second part was about our perception of the world. Our perception becomes reality. So the world is how our world is, how we see it always. Someone else's world is how they see it, but our world is how we see it always. What you look for is what you will see.

Mick Spiers: 16:46

Then I'm hearing this point about then the feelings, and particularly the suppressed emotions that you might've bottled up for decades and we said that before this is the way many of us were brought up was emotions are weak, so you put them aside, but it's just potential energy that's going to come out one day with the right emotional trigger. So this brings us to the emotional awareness that that emotion is trying to tell you something. All emotion is information. It's trying to bring your attention to something. So if you can pay attention to it, you can start processing it. What is this emotion? Why this emotion and why this emotion? Now, which is going to circle me back to what you were saying about, it might be a 20-year-old emotion that is now burst to the surface, ready to unleash if you haven't processed it. Is that what I'm hearing, randy?

Randy Lyman: 17:42

Yes, and so emotions guide us in the moment. But we never want to make decisions based on our emotions. But we want to be aware of our emotions and understanding the old emotional wound is really helpful. But I found that even the wounds, I don't necessarily understand. If I can feel whatever feeling is trying to come through my body, I can't think my emotions. I can only feel them in the present moment in my body. And if I feel that potential energy, as you said, can only feel them in the present moment in my body. And if I feel that potential energy, as you said, and I feel it in some way, I express it through physical expression or I cry the tears. As a as a mature man, I cry tears, I feel what I feel and I let it come through and release it. Then it's turned into heat. It's no longer potential energy needing to attract triggering situations to us.

Mick Spiers: 18:29

Yeah, Okay. So all right, we're bringing this to the surface, we're trying to make sense of it. What we're talking about here, in psychology we call it a resolving mindset. We've got something in our past that we never fully processed and it keeps coming back, and we might not even be aware of it at this point. It just keeps coming back.

Mick Spiers: 18:47

I'm going to use the example you used before. Someone cut me off in traffic and it reminds me of something 20 years ago, not really consciously, but subconsciously. And now I have an emotional reaction, not an emotional response, but an emotional reaction that I didn't fully process myself. I was just on autopilot. Now this leads me to two questions, but I'll go one at a time. If someone does have this discovery, Randy, so they're having this emotional reaction on the spot and it does dawn on them. They've got the awareness to go what is this? And it does remind them of something 10, 15, 20 years ago. This and it does remind them of something 10, 15, 20 years ago. How does one start the resolving mindset for something that was deep in my past, that I didn't fully process?

Randy Lyman: 19:35

For me. I always go to journaling or writing down lists. And whether we want to scribble pictures on a piece of paper to express ourselves or left brain person, I'm going to write a list on a piece of paper. To express ourselves or left brain person, I'm going to write a list. First of all, I want to identify what in my world, outside of me, is causing me challenges. Is there an intellectual solution? There's not. And even if there is, I want to say third column what am I feeling about this problem or challenge in my life? Now, I may not resolve it right away, but at least I become aware of it. Then I set the intent. So we have to have the awareness of the problem. We have to be educated in the way that we understand this is an opportunity for healing. And the outside physical problem is much easier to resolve. In my world it resolves itself when I go through the physical release. Everybody's a little different. So what's the outside problem? Can I fix it? What do I feel?

Randy Lyman: 20:30

Now that I'm aware of what I'm feeling, I can dig into that with additional tools. I can do more journaling on that. I can do EFT tapping, I can do breath work, whatever it takes to amplify the irritation. And people are like I don't want to amplify the irritation, I don't want to feel all this. Well, we either amplify it in the moment, intentionally, through a process or a technique, and work through it, or that energy continues to live in us and manifest in our lives in ways that interrupt our life.

Randy Lyman: 21:02

So the mind says I don't want to feel this pain because I'm afraid it'll last forever. And really the opposite is true. If we don't feel it, it'll last forever. If we feel it for a moment in time, whether it's five seconds or five minutes or whatever it takes to get through it, then it's released. And so again, trying to become aware of it in some way Now, if I'm ready to walk into an important meeting, I'm not going to process that right then, and there I may do some breath work, some breathing, and release it the best I can. If I write it down, I can come back to it in a place and time that is safe and appropriate to work through the challenge. And so becoming aware, writing it down and being bold enough to feel the pain, being brave enough. This kind of work is not for sissies. This is difficult work.

Mick Spiers: 21:49

Yeah, it's not easy. I've been down this journey as well, Randy, and I'll share with the audience as well. It's not easy, but it's worth it. So the things that I'm hearing here is the surface problem Most surface problems in the world not every problem, but most surface problems in the world are solvable. But are you actually processing what it meant and processing it fully? And I'm hearing the power of reflection to go, okay, what did I feel and why did I feel this way? And to be able to lean into that discomfort, because otherwise all you're doing is fixing symptoms and you're not addressing root cause. If you don't lean into the discomfort and process that emotion properly about what it meant and why you felt that way, it's just going to bubble up again sometime. It might be next week, it might be next year, but it's just going to come to the surface again. Is that what I'm hearing?

Randy Lyman: 22:45

It has to come to the surface. So the first years of our life say the first 25, 30 years of our life, maybe a little longer the answers all come from our mind and our action for the most part. And then we get to a place where, oh, I get to address my emotional wounds and my mind is no longer providing the solutions, my action is no longer providing the solutions. That's where I was. And so there's been thousands of times when I work on something and I have a logical approach and I'm taking the action and I don't get the results. And I always take the logical approach first.

Randy Lyman: 23:16

There's nothing wrong with logic and taking action. But when I don't get results, then I remember, oh yeah, my philosophy let's feel what I have to feel. And when I slow down and I go through an exercise that helps me feel it don't have to always understand it, but I feel it then I could have worked on it for a day or a week or six months. And then when I say, wait a minute, what do I feel? As soon as I feel it I mean within minutes or maybe hours, a day or two, at the very most the problem is resolved, or at least the logical approach I've been taking is now effective. The action I've been taking is now effective and, after experiencing this for 35 years, thousands of times, my belief is every irritation has an emotional component that will help us resolve the issue faster.

Mick Spiers: 24:05

Yeah, really good, and now we're fully processing. We're not just addressing the issue faster. Yeah, really good, and now we're fully processing. We're not just addressing the surface tension, we're fully processing. What's going on is what I'm hearing, randy. So I think we've already covered what the second part of my question was going to be. But let's see. So, if you're going to lean into this and do what Randy's talking about, you do need to maybe address this resolving mindset and look at things that might be very. Where my question was going to go is when you get to baseline and you've gone okay, I've addressed some of those demons that have been holding back my performance, my actions, my thoughts. Once you've performed that and you've addressed the longer term things, how do you then get into a rhythm to make sure it doesn't happen again? It doesn't feel like this is a one and done exercise, randy, where you can go. Oh, okay, I've addressed the trauma from my childhood and now I'm good to go. It feels like it's something that you have to do as part of your routine.

Randy Lyman: 25:14

It becomes habit. And once for me, after I experienced some major releases four or five of them then my brain really understood this helps, this works. And then, after doing it, another. I've done this again thousands of times, after doing another 10 or 12, 20 times. Then I get to a place where, okay, I know it's going to hurt, but my mind has seen the positive results. That's what I call a tipping point. Now I'm willing to embrace it. I'm willing and ready to lean into it, because my mind now has experienced enough positive results that I know this is the answer.

Randy Lyman: 25:41

When we're first starting down this path, it's scary. It's still scary at times for me when I have old emotions come up today. But when we're first starting down this path, our mind wants to be in control. We don't want to feel the pain. But eventually we get to a place where we've had enough positive experiences, based on our intent and our processing, that our brain says okay, this is the answer, I'm in, let's do this. And then it becomes a habit. Now again, I've been doing this for many years and still sometimes my mind avoids feeling the pain. But it's so much easier the more we do it.

Mick Spiers: 26:16

Yeah, really good, randy. So I'm going to share something of my own life here, something that many of our audience already know, but I'll share it with you. Now I'm going to make a subtle shift to the way that I do this. For the last 12 years, I've done a daily self-reflection exercise where I've asked myself the same five questions, randy, and I'll tell you what the little twist will be at the end now. So the question is I ask myself what went well today, what didn't go well? What would I do differently next time? What did I learn about myself and what did I learn about others? The nuance I'm going to put in here now is when I get to the fourth question what did I learn about myself? I'm going to make sure it's about thoughts, actions and feelings, not just the surface stuff. So what was I feeling? Why was I feeling that? And to process these emotions each day so it doesn't bottle up. So, thank you, I'll be doing that. How does that sit with you?

Randy Lyman: 27:15

You're welcome. Well, again, it was a challenge for me to accept this, because as a scientist, I want to solve everything with logic, but I've had so many positive experiences and so many, so much positive results in my life, at every level. I can't disregard my emotions anymore and any challenge I encounter I always go to what do I need to feel and that's my approach now. It's just so natural. It's not easy for me. Still, it's not because I want to be emotional, it's not because I want emotions to rule my life, but I want to be fluid in my emotions so that they don't subconsciously, unconsciously, rule my life. And I just don't know how else to go about it other than, as you said, what was good, what was bad, what could I have done better, what did I feel, what did other people experience? And when we take a moment to take that level of reflection, we're guided to great answers and solutions. When we surrender to being shown better answers and better solutions.

Mick Spiers: 28:55

Yeah, really good, Randy. I think this is very powerful and it will help us show up as better leaders. So let's convert this into some leadership lessons that, firstly, if you're able to process these things yourself, you will show up as a better leader. There's no doubt about that. If you are in control of your emotions regulated, not bottled up, regulated emotions where you've processed it, you're going to show up and be a far better leader. The question I have now is then how do you inspire others to do the same, Randy? So if you've got team members where you see them showing up erratically, they're behaving in certain ways and you know that they could benefit from this kind of work as well, how do you inspire others to do the same?

Randy Lyman: 29:39

When we are clear enough to show up without being reactivated by the other person's challenges and their reactions and their triggers, then we can hold a space where we can just simply ask them okay, where are your challenges? Let's write this down Now. Are there solutions? Now? Is there anything that you're feeling? Does this remind you of Now? That's a scary place to go, but when we're comfortable with our emotions, then we become comfortable with other people's emotions and then just that level of comfort that we have creates a space where other people can at least express at a deeper level what they're experiencing. Now those experiences might not be expressed as feelings and emotions, but in their expression of what they're experiencing there will be an emotional component, and we hold that space of calm and confidence and are willing to invest the time to listen.

Randy Lyman: 30:33

So when I would have set up a 30-minute meeting with somebody in my management team and I knew there was potential for it to go longer, I'd block off an hour and a half. Sometimes I block off two hours, and I'm not trying to trick them into anything. I'm giving these people the space to express and feel in my presence, with no judgment, no expectations, to simply be there and listen, and so when I can listen as a leader, I don't mean ping pong back and forth. When we talk as humans, I'm sharing my ideas and then I shut up and I let you express. But as you or anybody else is expressing, I'm formulating my response. I'm not listening, and that happens the same with the people we're talking to.

Randy Lyman: 31:15

So when we can be patient enough as leaders to give them the space to express completely, create a pause, all the pause, with what else would you like to express or what else? How do we go deeper on this or tell me more, then that person can really get to a deeper level. And if they're ready to move to a deeper level of interaction to feel what they feel I'm not saying they have to unload their emotions on me. I'm just saying they get an opportunity to be seen as an individual who has value, and myself, as a leader, has given them the time and space and the acknowledgement that they're valuable to me. That changes the relationship completely. So it's an investment of time and it's a matter of listening and it's a matter of knowing that I can't solve all this at an intellectual level.

Mick Spiers: 32:05

This is really powerful, randy. So the first thing I'm going to say is, if we all go around the world at a million miles an hour and we don't take time to process, it will never be processed. Our emotions and their emotions will never be processed. So the first powerful thing I heard from you is the holding space element and giving them time, giving them pause to really reflect. The next thing I heard was the curiosity. The questions that you had were all curious questions, and they were curious questions without judgment. And then you were listening without judgment and not listening. Listening is not waiting for your turn to talk, it's truly listening, and what you're doing while you're holding space, you're learning something about them, but they're learning something about themselves.

Randy Lyman: 32:54

And at the same time, they feel acknowledged. There's three things I discovered that people need more than money. They need to be acknowledged for who they are, as a unique individual, a unique spirit here on this human journey. They need to feel like they're contributing to the cause and a lot of people don't have a sense of meaning in their life. But if they feel they're contributing at work or in a community group or whatever that might be, that gives their life meaning. They need that. And then they need to feel like they belong to the group and it's kind of like a tribal thing. But if they don't belong to the group, they don't feel safe. So I acknowledge them for who they are. I acknowledge them in a way that makes them feel like they're contributing and I acknowledge them and interact in a way that they feel safe and they belong. So when I can do these three things now, they're going to show up more authentic and feeling appreciated and bring 100% of what they can bring to the team.

Mick Spiers: 33:47

Yeah, really good. So they feel seen, they feel heard, they feel acknowledged, they feel that they belong to the group, they feel like they might even start feeling like, oh, this Randy guy, he really gets me. In reality, what you did is just held space so that they could express themselves, and maybe no one's done that before.

Randy Lyman: 34:06

Well, and we don't do that because it takes an investment in time and we say I don't have the time to do this, but think about it. How much time, if we don't get buy-in, how much time does it take to convince our team members of our mission? How much time does it take to get them involved in a level where they really care? And the time to listen is much less than the time to force through our agenda.

Mick Spiers: 34:30

Oh, spot on, Randy. Every time I hear someone say I don't have time and it's something important like this, I just reframe it you don't have time not to. You've got time for the consequences of not listening, so you better make time for the actual listening and the holding space.

Randy Lyman: 34:46

It's an investment either way and it is scary. When I first started down the path of interacting more personal with the people I led I was worried they wouldn't respect me.

Randy Lyman: 34:56

I was worried that I would not be effective. I was worried I would look silly or just silly, or ineffective or unrespecting. But I took the risk and I said, okay, I'm going to try this. And I made some mistakes along the way, but in the end I could not have achieved what I achieved without buying from the group and I would not have got buy-in from the group without addressing them as spiritual beings here to grow and learn and go on this deeper journey with me. So when I took the risk and I approached it from a more humanistic, emotional perspective, we still dealt with logic, reason, planning, all that. None of that stopped. But we felt each other and interacted with each other and respected each other in a different way. The things we accomplished were so much bigger.

Mick Spiers: 35:46

Yeah, really good, rainey, all right. So I'm going to bring us to a close here and say that you've given us some powerful tools here, and I'm going to go out on a limb here and say you should start with self. So processing, journaling, processing the emotion could be long-held emotion, through to what did I feel today or in this moment. So do the work yourself and getting in contact with yourself will enable you to be ready to do the same with others. And then, when you do with others, you're going to hold that space, you're going to be curious, you're going to listen without judgment and you will see a shift in them. You'll see a shift in them as they get to know themselves. So you've given us some powerful tools that we can lead ourselves, but also some powerful tools where we can lead others.

Mick Spiers: 36:35

And by doing this work, I'm going to say circling all the way back to our first part of our conversation, randy, this is where the deep connection is going to come, because the person is going to feel seen, they're going to feel heard, they're going to feel acknowledged, they're going to feel part of the group. Now, all of a sudden, you've got the deep connection that we started out this interview with. It's really really powerful, randy, that we started out this interview with. It's really really powerful, randy. Thank you so much. I'm now going to take us to our rapid round. So these are the same four questions we ask all of our guests. So what's the one thing you know now, randy Lyman, that you wish you knew when you were 20?

Randy Lyman: 37:05

That there's no reason to judge ourselves, there's no reason to worry about getting it perfect.

Mick Spiers: 37:17

We know that a solution will come. We look for solutions and trust that there's a deeper part of us that's guiding us and we're all deserving. So interesting there. I think we spend a lot of time prejudging ourselves and prejudging what we think others will think of us, right? So very interesting.

Randy Lyman: 37:27

What's your favorite book? My favorite book is still Illusions by Richard Bach. I have read the book 13 times, I've listened to the audio 50 times and it really says that we create our own reality, and the world around us is a mirror of what's inside of us, and it's just a beautiful little story.

Mick Spiers: 37:46

Also very reflective of our conversation today. It's very powerful. Randy, what's your favorite quote?

Randy Lyman: 37:52

Best way to be successful is to help other people find success.

Mick Spiers: 37:58

Oh yeah, absolutely, very, very powerful. Okay, and finally, randy, there's going to be people that are deeply interested in the third element or in your work, and they're probably listening to this going yeah, that's exactly what I do and I need to be able to process this stuff. How do people find you if they'd like to know more?

Randy Lyman: 38:17

They can find my book, the Third Element, on through major booksellers. That's all I can really say. But they can also go to my website, randyleimancom. On there I share some free exercises, I share some how-tos, I share lists of books that have been helpful for me. So, through my website, randylymancom, they can also follow me on social media. And I'm here to serve, I'm here to share what's been helpful for me so the rest of the world can find more peace, more happiness and more fulfillment in love.

Mick Spiers: 38:49

Yeah, brilliant, randy. Well, thank you so much for your gift today, your gift of your time, the gift of your wisdom, the gift of your process, where we can start doing these things ourselves on the pursuit of happiness and to get beyond the surface and into more deeper understanding of who we are, how we're feeling and what that all means. Thank you so much for your time today.

Randy Lyman: 39:11

You're welcome, Nick. Thanks for having me. This is fun.

Mick Spiers: 39:14

What an inspiring conversation with Randy Lyman. It makes me think about whether the real power of leadership isn't in our strategy, but in our humanity. Randy reminded us that success without fulfillment isn't really success, that it's not enough to master the external world we must also connect with our internal one. His third element isn't just a concept. It's a call to integrate our emotional and spiritual selves into the way we lead, because when we lead from wholeness, we inspire others to do the same. If this conversation resonated with you, take a moment to reflect. Where might your third element be missing and what would it take to reconnect with that part of yourself? And don't forget to share this episode with someone who needs to hear it.

Mick Spiers: 40:02

Before we wrap, something new is coming. We're launching a new special Q&A series where we tackle your real-life leadership challenges. You send in your story story anonymously or not and I'll offer practical coaching to help you move forward with clarity and confidence. So if you have a leadership challenge you've always been struggling with, send it in and let's have a chat about it. Let's use it to help you and to help others.

Mick Spiers: 40:31

In the next episode, we're going to be joined by the amazing Bill Zadusky. Bill is the CEO and founder of Good Life and Momentix, and he's the inventor of something called the Zen Score and Life Score and author of a book called Watch your Life Score, and he's going to share with us powerful tools on how you can take a balanced scorecard of your own life and see where you need extra focus. Thank you for listening to the Leadership Project at mickspearscom. A huge call out to Faris Sadek for his video editing of all of our video content, and to all of the team at TLP Joanne Goes On, gerald Calabo and my amazing wife, say Spears. I could not do this show without you. Don't forget to subscribe to the Leadership Project YouTube channel, where we bring you interesting videos each and every week, and you can follow us on social, particularly on LinkedIn, facebook and Instagram. Now, in the meantime, please do take, take care, look out for each other and join us on this journey as we learn together and lead together.